KoG

Season 6 - Week 7 - Lady and the Tramps
A Song of Fire and Ice and also Pain

Everyone arrives at Felkton. Noting all the mailboxes, Iaza tries to flip one of the flag flippy-thingies, but gets yelled at from a resident that what she’s about to do is illegal.

The group then goes to the tavern to get a meal and rest. Iaza is dissatisfied with the prices and sleeps outside.

In the morning everyone wakes. Iaza finds she’s been ticketed for not having a registered address, then goes to busk, receiving some coins and a package.

The group heads out to find Colman Creatin. Arriving at his clinic they spot a large white wolf creeping in the bushes, to which May expertly shoots in, scaring it off.

Colman comes out to great the adventurers, when suddenly fire cats jump from the roof! One semi-lands on Jun, the other misses, and a third face-plants on the ground.

Colman asks for help with Lady, so Iaza and Selamar join him to assist.

Meanwhile, the white wolf returns and attacks the fire cats.

Fighting, punching, biting, a brief healing request from Kjarik, and the fire cats are eventually defeated, one left alive. The wolf is identified as a Winter Wolf, and the cats as Fire-Tooth Tigers.

At this point, everyone who turned into a woman yesterday turn back into men.

Entering the barn, the group finds that Iaza and Selamar assisted Colman to birth puppies. It’s puzzled out that the white wolf must be the father of these puppies, which was why he was loitering around.

Everyone receives payments, and some buy pets: Jun and May each get a cat.

The group escorts Lady, her puppies, and the Tramp Winter Wolf back to Scrumble, passing Millen on the way.

Funderi is happy for the extra puppers. She offers some of the puppies to the party, to which two are taken. Funderi then spends several hours counting out the 2,500 copper payment, one coin at a time.

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Season 6 - Week 6 - The Great Pumpkin
Pumpkin Spice Scars

After drinking some tea, the group encounters another member of the Guild sent to help on their quest; Telator.

The group then makes their way into Scrumble Swamp to find some pumpkin spice. On their way, Iaza finds a newt and puts it in his pocket.

Arriving at a suspiciously quiet pumpkin patch with the giant pumpkin of spice in the centre. Several people keep their distance, while the rest get up close.

Jun tries to remove a leaf, to which the pumpkin responds with aggression.

Jun and May deal hits, Iaza tries talking to the pumpkin, and Kjarik and Telator attack with magic.

Iaza makes friends, but is dismayed when his friends keep attacking it despite his pleas.

By happenstance, all the attacking carves a face-like image on the side of the pumpkin, akin to a jack-o-lantern.

Jun takes a brutal hit when the pumpkin rolls on him, leaving acidic juices onto his face, leaving him with a spooky face scar.

The pumpkin is exploded, and the spices collected from the remains.

Returning to Mystic Café, the group presents Margeria with the spices, to which she immediately brews her special pumpkin spice lattea. Taking a sip, she gains an orange streak in her hair, then offers the drink to everyone else.

Everyone drinks the tea, gaining an orange or green streak in their hair, and also turning into women! Margeria assures everyone this change will last 24 hours.

Margeria then offers everyone some goodies from her goodie box: Iaza gets some spoopy stickers, Jun gets an eyepatch, Kjarik gets some gum with a comic, May gets a sticky hand, and Telator gets some candy.

Kjarik summons an undead hand, while most everyone else acquires costumes from the costume shop. Then everyone makes their way to Felkton for their next quests.

Seeking convenient travel, the group employs Millen to give them a ride down the river on his houseboat. Some rest happens.

While traveling, Iaza sticks one of the spoopy stickers on Kjarik: a dead tree sticker.

Suddenly, a dead tree sprouts from the middle of the river, causing the boathouse to become a tree house. Millen is forced to slowly punch away the tree.

Everyone disembarks the tree and walks the rest of the way to Felkton.

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Season 6 - Week 5 - Tea Time
Tea Appreciation and Friendship Depreciation

The party finds Ignacius Rutherford Letherman, the man who send in for the quest “Fight me – I.R.L” Ingacius intends to duel 100 opponents to prove himself to his true love.

He challenges Jun to a duel, and Jun names the means of fighting as hand-to-hand combat. Ignacius deals no hits and Jun knocks him out in two. The party receives payment and they head out.

Iaza learns that there’s some tea sold in Scrumble that can cure the incessant honking in her head, and insists the party go there, but it’s determined the fasted route is back to the Guild first.

At the Guild everyone goes to rest, though Light causes a stir by waking many people in search of Stewart. Light gets put to sleep eventually by a magic person unhappy to be awoken.

In the morning everyone wakes up. Jun and Iaza get breakfast from Brancis, then Iaza gets consoling from Adventure Board about the honking.

Light enters the library in search of necromancy information and finds Kjarik instead.

Everyone gathers around the Quest Board and acquire their new quests, two which are in Scrumble.

The party sets out, has mixed results crossing the river, and eventually arrive in Scrumble.

They find the tea shop, Mystic Café, with the help of a friendly half-orc. Iaza immediately asks for special tea to stop the honking in her head, Jun gets the daily special-tea of bbq roast meat, and Kjarik gets simple green tea. They also find Margeria Knotwitch, the person they’ve come on a quest for.

She asks them to go into Scrumble Swamp to find some pumpkin spice now that it’s the season for it.

The group sits around to enjoy some tea. Kjarik tries to offer Light one of his potions as being beneficial, Light doesn’t believe him and threatens to hurt him unless Kjarik drinks the potion. Kjarik tries to back off unsuccessfully, the half-orc warns them not to fight in the café. Jun tries to intercede.

Kjarik runs outside and into another building, which he finds to be a costume shop. He proceeds to by some wonderful costuming for himself and Ravie.

Light stands outside searching for Kjarik.
Kjarik exits the shop in his new attire, and offers an apology to Light.
Light doesn’t accept and hits Kjarik, who hits him back with a witch bolt. Jun tries to intercede again and knocks out Light.

Caught up in the events, Kjarik continues to shock the unconscious Light with his magic, while Jun and Iaza decide to just walk away and find Funderi Girkan for their other quest.

In the meantime, Light dies, and Kjarik catches up with everyone else.

They find Funderi and learn she needs her dog, Lady, picked up from the vet in Felkton, which also happens to be where their third quest takes place.

The group returns to the café, stepping over Light’s body on their way in.

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Season 6 - Week 4 - Konki's Basement
The Vest is a Load of Croc

After crossing the river, the group makes their way to Wybury Crag. Kjarik drunkenly sends Ravy away to find a building, then Iaza plays some magic music to sober up him and May.

Arriving at Wybury, Kjarik and Light question an acolyte of Dredd about the Wybony Crisis and what happened to the culprits responsible, and Light inquires about magic knowledge.

Iaza and May meanwhile go to the tavern to find information on the vague “fight me -IRL” quest, and find and informative bartender with a gorgeous moustache.

Light sends Kjarik in the wrong direction to the magic shop so he can get there first, while Iaza busks very poorly with a bagpipe, then moderately better with a trumpet.

May meets up with Kjarik on the actually way back to the magic shop.

Light enters the magic shop to find Konki, and makes her nervous with his inquiries into raising an undead army. Later the rest of the group arrives, and they’re lead to the basement by Melli to help pack it up.

Many magic items are packed:

-A bag holding an angry octopus is wrestle and thrown into a crate
-A staff that turns into a snake wraps around Kjarik’s arm, then wrestled into a crate.
-Iaza eat a berry and gets drunk, then puts on a crocodile skin vest and becomes a crocodile
-Light releases 6 cats into the basement
-May knocks wands and rods into a box, then disappears to a beach paradise
-Kjariks works to figure out which rod or wand caused May to disappear, turns a cat blue in the process, but gets her back
-Iaza turns back to normal, then turns many things blue, including a trumpet and Light’s scales
-Iaza honks a horn, then plays a sleepy harp, Kjarik has to slowly knock her out to get her to stop
-Kjarik gives Iaza a mystery potion to heal her, she is healed but now appears to be a different looking person
-Iaza and Kjarik help themselves to some free reject potions, and a bag of beans

While some of this happens, Light goes up to the shop, finds it empty and steals a magic cube, comes back down, then later goes back up. This time Konki is in the shop with 3 buff people who asks Light not to go down the path of creating an undead army and to also leave Wybury. Light gives a moving speech about justice, then leaves when the buff people are insistent he leave.

Iaza and Kjarik finish the work and get payment, while Light climb a rooftop and shouts a challenge to fight, getting a reply.

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Season 6 - Week 3 - How Stella Got Her Grove Back
Agoraphobic Agriculture and Wayward Wolves

Finishing up their patrol with the Furfeather Scouts, our heroes take a rest for the evening, sleeping and healing in various places.

In the morning everyone does some stuff, Kjarik notices something magical in the air, then head out to look for the “weird folks” outside the safety forest.

Near the edge of the forest they come across some trees with strange shiny rocks attached to their bark. May pulls one off to inspect, only to be accosted by an unfamiliar Druid who grouches that she’s ruining her bedazzle work.

The Druid reveals herself to be Coni of the Natural Blonds, here to Bedazzle Bark. The Natural Blond are so busy Bedazzling Bark in fact, that they don’t have time to help their friend Stella move to her new place! Stella is very scared of leaving her home though, so she needs someone to accompany her.

The group asks what the payment will be, but Coni only replies that they don’t believe in the artificial construct of money, and they’ll be rewarded with something else. Some threats are made against trees, and Glitterbark steps in as a warning.

Following a path of flowers, the group comes across a small bush, out steps Stella, a lady made of plants. The party introduce themselves, and Stella nervously packs her bush for transport, then places a blindfold on herself to keep calm while travelling through the very scary world.

Following some more flowers, Iaza talks with Stella to keep her calm. When they reach the forested area outside the safety forest, some rustling is heart, and the group tells Stella they’re taking a “break” while they investigate the noise.

Peeking into the woods, Jun is attacked by a wolf!

Iaza starts playing the bagpipes amazingly and also loudly to cover the fighting noise, Light climbs a tree to get better vantage, May hides in the undergrowth for tactical advantage, and Kjarik prepares magic.

More wolves attack openly, one attacks super stealthily, many die from magic and punches.

Light throws some of his rations on the ground, and so the wolf leader grabs some and calls for a retreat. Most of the other wolves flee too, some get brutally killed before they get the chance.

All the while Stella jams to the bagpipes, unaware of the wolves.

Continuing along the path, they deliver Stella to an idealic little grove. She excitedly plants her bush home, and the remaining Natural Blonds soon show up to throw her a housewarming party.

Coni makes some alcoholic goodberries for the party and gives a few to some of the group, as well as 50lbs of high quality organic beeswax as payment.

The group splits the wax, and Kjarik eats his berries, getting drunk immediately.

Now the goal is to head to Wybury Crag for the remaining quests.

On their way the group encounters the river, which must be crossed. A rope is tied between the shore, but keeps untying for some reason.

Kjarik drunkenly falls into the river, and the combined efforts of May and Jun get him out., everyone else gets across fine.

May offers to sell Light her dagger, Light magically commands her to eat a berry, then tries to convince her the dagger is his. Upon failure, he stealthily steals the dagger off her.

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Season 6 - Holiday Special - Schmorfengras
Turkey Staring and Turgriffon Scaring

Arriving at the Schmorfengras Feast Festival near Wybury, May and Harold are approached by Agustine Copia the 5th, who recognizes them as adventurers.

He needs help with the feast, Schmorgas has requested a Turgriffon as the main course! He never asks for that, they’re not prepared!

He sends May and Harold to get the Holy Gravy Boat carried from the Spice Cemetery to McGuffin’s farm, where they might find a Turgriffon to place in the holy gravy.

At the farm they learn a Turgriffon usually steals one of the turkeys, so they lie in wait. While hiding, Harold maintains eye contact with a focused turkey, which turns into an intense staring contest.

The Turgriffon arrives, and May starts fighting it effectively and evasively, using Harold as a shield. Harold takes the hits while maintaining the staring contest.

Badly hurt, the Turgriffon flees, but takes the turkey Harold was staring at.

After tending their wounds, our adventurers track down the Turgriffon, giving it a good fight before knocking it down. May helps to half de-feather and half skin the Turgriffon before placing in the holy gravy.

Harold saves the turkey, learns her name is Lucy, and buys her.

Returning to the festival, our heroes get a seat at the main table with Schmorgas, where the guest of honour, Terry Baster, partakes of his gravy.

A good meal is had, and the guests are given a gift from the Cornucopia of Schmorgas.

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The OneShots- Episode 2: Unexpected Visitors
Too close to home.

The following excerpt was taken from a municipal incident report by Jim Dale, steward of the Bounty Guild of Jhorvan’s Rest

“We were attacked in broad daylight. A pack of vicious, roving bandits, entered the town underneath our noises, managed to cause a level of mass panic by way of strange magics that drove everyone into a paranoia such that the entire town had locked itself away inside. And then, while they had the populace subdued, they wheeled in their siege weapons and troops to assault our keep! But the worst thing they brought with them wasn’t fear magic, nor cannons, but a gargantuan, bird-like monsters that assailed our keep for near an hour while they blasted us from afar, making sure we were locked in our own castle while it was crumbling around us.

If not for a brilliant stroke of luck, we would have been doomed to die that day. But it just so happened a few rookie bounty hunters from the old fort in the forest had come down from their ancient keep amidst the chaos that ensued that day. Reports from witnesses in the town, including one Father Auren and old Bill Richards the beggar, paint a clearer picture as to what happened:

The party, consisting of London Storms, ‘Wildman’ the silent Tiefling, Dave Atlas, and a new member of their party who was not registered with our bounty guild whom we later learned was named ‘Gornev’, came down from the forest and entered the town in search of maps to a location they were off to. They came upon Father Auren’s burning church in the process. The party performed a heroic rescue of the poor old priest, whom had been knocked out and restrained to burn in his own house of worship by the bandits. Their leader had also summoned imps to make sure no one interfered in his torturous demise for whatever reason. The party dispatched the devils and saved the priest, who gratefully thanked them by tending to their wounds. They expressed that they had to get to our fort, which was currently being assailed by the bandits and their monster. The priest did not dissuade them, but offered them a few supplies he had on his person at the time to aid them. The party advanced down the main road where they were accosted by one of the bandits. Old Bill Richards witnessed the event and explained to the party that the bandits had driven everyone into paranoia, making everyone leave the street and lock themselves inside. The party then proceeded to the keep, where they confronted the leader of the bandits. A recruit who was fighting off the bandits at the time witnessed a conversation that took place that suggested the bandit leader knew the party, but that he had not come here explicitly because of them. The recruit described him as some kind of bard wearing a distorted jester’s mask and wielding a kind of pistol. He personally took on the party along with a few of his goons according to her account. Things looked dire for a while, but the lunatic had the hubris to let one of his war weapons go unmanned for long enough so that once the party had broken through his first bodyguards one of them managed to acquire and operate the device by themselves. Reports from both the recruit and our top bounty hunter, Falkner Borath, aka ‘Mad Dog’, tell that he was shot by his own cannon and died on the battlefield. As he fell, his monster bird ceased its assault on our keep, swooped down to pick up his body, then flew off. One of the party members, Mr. Silent, testified that the bird had screeched a retreat in infernal to some placed called the Charred Tower. As to where this is, no one is sure yet. However, after this attack, martial law has been implemented into our small village until we believe ourselves to be safe from a counter-attack…"

-Jim Dale, steward of the Bounty Guild of Jhorvan’s Rest.

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The OneShots- Episode 1: Mad House
Have you ever heard of Schrodinger's Cat?

In an alternate reality, somewhere in the borderlands between the Guild Lands and a nation considered non-canonical by the Gods of other, more stable realities, Aivollé, there exists an abandoned fort just outside of a small border village called Jhorvan’s Rest. It lies among the pines of a forest that has no name, a forest where many an adventurer has lost their way. In this where and when, some adventurers never made it to the famed Guild of Heroes in the west, but stuck it out by doing contract jobs for a shiftier bounty hunter’s guild. Rumor has it that if one knew how to find them, there was no task too fearsome or mundane they wouldn’t undertake…for the right price. These are the stories of a band of adventurers known to their world as The One Shots, as told by their various contractors…

This excerpt was obtained from the personal journal of one Sir Arthur Silvereye, guild overseer of the Aivollian National Bounty Hunters League, former team leader of the adventuring bounty hunting group known as the ‘Expendables’

“Rumor and clamor about bumps in the dark and terrors in the night has been rampant ever since the god-damned civil war ended in this country about 12 years ago. Now we’ve reached some kind of tipping point again where the world feels it’s in need of heroes once more to set the minds of the public at ease. With the economy already in the privy, inflation climbs higher and higher as the country’s artificers/enchanters sell rings, weapons, and bobbles of minor magical power like hot-cakes to foreign markets, hoping to cash out while they can before our gold value plummets to rock bottom. Meanwhile, a laziness pervades the national and private security businesses in way of hiring new, trained recruits to deal with the country’s multitude of domestic magical, conspiratorial, and/or ‘monstrous’ problems. The bottom line is that we need adventurers to deal with the mess back home more than ever, but at this time everyone’s either settled down and deluded themselves into thinking that the world will handle itself now that the war and the madness before it is over, or have gone off to seek their thrills in other lands. Because of this, we’ve resorted to a desperate strategy: hiring foreign contract soldiers…

Jeeves, our loyal carriage operator, brought the first batch out to deal with what we assumed was only a rumor the other day. They included a conspiratorial martial-artist, a half-orc paladin of massive stature, a mute (or at least pretending to be mute) tiefling warlock, a bronze dragonborn sorcerer, and a mouse-folk elemental monk. They were tasked with investigating Darkvale’s new hospital for the mentally unstable. Previous reports were that after a troop of nomads visited the hospital it had gone silent for a week. The amateur bounty hunters managed to rescue one Johan Belgrave, a historian who helped us piece together what they found within the hospital. They also apprehended one Alecia Bartholomew, a warlock belonging to some kind of doomsday cult called the Smothering Darkness. From the information we gathered from her, Belgrave, the party themselves, and an eye-witness account from one Nick Lucky (a competitor bounty hunter who went in before them and found himself in a rather ironic situation given his namesake), I have pieced together what I believe represents an accurate account of what went on in the hospital:

The party approached from their drop-off point 1 mile away and entered the courtyard. For whatever reason, they were not quiet in their approach and alerted hostiles within the building. One of the hostile leaders fired a shot from a Deringer pistol at the party and missed. The party then fled to the cellar entrance and forcibly broke in. As far as evidence can tell, nothing significant was taken from the cellar room. The party exited out of the cellar where they were confronted by hostiles. These enemies were patients who were under the influence of mind-controlling magic and had also been physically distorted by magical experimentation conducted by cultists who had previously invaded the hospital posing as nomads in need of care. The party dispatched the hostiles blocking their route and investigated further, finding evidence in patient rooms of ritualistic magical experimentation conducted on the patients. The party advanced to the staircase of leading to the second floor and were confronted by a lunatic bard working for the cult. It was he who supposedly fired the pistol shot. According to accounts by Nick Lucky, whom the party met on the staircase to the second floor later, the group somehow managed to resolve the confrontation without resorting to violence, perhaps by beating the psychotic bard in some kind of game. They advanced to the staircase where they met Nick Lucky, who was healed of his serious injury that had prevented him from walking by the half-orc paladin. From there, evidence suggests they continued up to the third floor by climbing through a caved-in ceiling section in a patient’s room, which might have had something to do with a botched ritual. Finally, they somehow managed to disrupt Alecia Bartholomew’s ritual in such a way as to lead the mind-controlled patients to safety by a clever use of magic, and ultimately ended up confronting and incapacitating the witch, turning her in to the care of myself and my colleagues.

The party’s success provided invaluable information on the activities of this cult. From what we know from the information we’ve gathered from her, Alecia led an offshoot branch of this doomsday cult and was attempting to terrorize the nearby city of Darkvale with the mind-controlled patients. More information is still to come, which I shall include in my next entry. Ultimately, the party proved to be more than competent in accomplishing their contract mission. I may need to wait before rehiring them in the future though. I spoke with an acquaintance recently who had plans to contact them shortly after their mission…"

-Sir Arthur Silvereye, leader of the Aivollian National Bounty Hunters League.

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Season 6 - Week 2 - Olwbear Patrol
"A Quest Board has Angered Me"

After completing the trials of the Guild of Heroes, our intrepid adventurers return to water a tree with their mugs. The gates open, and Stewart greets the newest Guild of Heroes Acolytes.

The are given a speech of how the Guild works, and told they are to pay a monthly due of 50gp by the end of the month, which they can earn by completing quests from the Quest Board.

The Quest Board is busy playing card tricks with a friend, and so our heroes must explore the Guild while they wait for the Board to available.

Iaza joins in to play card tricks with the Board and friend, while Kjarik goes to the Guild Grove to summon a raven familiar who will be named Ravie.

Jun, Selamor, and Oran go to the Room of Guidance, where they eventually learn it answers YES/No questions, after a lengthy investigation.

Veinar acquires some food from the kitchen and ale from the Rogues Gallery.

Light attempts to intimidate and trick Stewart into giving him a quest, only to be informed only the Quest Board can give quests.

Jun then goes to the Library of Inconsequential Knowledge, where he peruses some of the classic titles such as “Wolves in My Bed: How to Stop Sleep Conjuring”, and “Memoires of a Gorgon”.

Back at the Board, Iaza enjoys more fun card tricks from the Quest Board, but then Selamor and Light interrupt, attempting to acquire a quest. Some attempted violence, and everyone near the Board is magically put to sleep or restrained. Oran casts Fog Cloud and tries to sneak in, and more shenanigans ensue.

Stewart breaks up this fiasco and gives the adventurers a warning to behave, and the Board finally gives everyone their quests.

Some discussion, and it’s decided that everyone will go to Shumpthorpe first.

A long travel, and everyone arrives, taking note of the Safety Forest. The group goes to talk with Drabbuh Norl about the Owlbear Patrol, and he informs them it will happen tomorrow morning.

Light harasses the Goldenbutters to find answers of how to unsentient and sentient object, then joins Jun at a shrine of Warrden. Oran spends the night planting seeds in the safety forest. Everyone else finds a place to sleep.

In the morning, everyone is awoken by alarm bells, but it is just the children being spooked by the plants sprouted by Oran.

They group sets of to patrol the forest. It’s mostly uneventful, until it’s not!

Charred plant creatures attack! Hitting, missing, a hurt child, fog, loud bagpipes, entanglement, and the battle is successful!

All that’s left is to return to Shumpthorpe.

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Season 6 - Week 1 - Hero's Tomb
A Heroic Tombraid

Arriving at the Guild of Heroes, the newest entrants await eagerly to join. Introductions are made while waiting outside the doors, races and professions announced aloud. The door opens to reveal Stewart the Guild Steward, and he gives a speech. All the entrants must complete a quest first to prove they are worthy of joining, and maps and mugs are handed out with instructions to fill the mugs with water from the fountains of a Guild Founder.

Splitting into two groups, one heads to the Hero’s Tomb, while the other head to the Torment’s Crypt.

In the Hero’s Tomb group is Torinn, Mediocriteez, Selamar, Jack, Forgotten, Cosmus, Arasien, and Paige.

This post follows the Hero’s Tomb group, but this writer wasn’t there… Somebody from that group fill in the details!

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